Special thanks to Oxoniensis for the idea and the LJers for laughing.

"Mr. President, I really think you should reconsider."

Lex leaned back in his leather chair and rubbed one hand over his tired face. "What part of no don't you understand, Peter?"

"I don't understand your reluctance, Lex. You were the one who convinced me that we needed a base of operations in Pago Pago," Peter Ross said reasonably, crossing the carpeted Presidential seal and standing in front of Lex's desk. "The Russians and the Chinese only sent mid-level delegates, but the Chieftain will see your coming to the negotiations as a sign of honor. While the Chinese made a good offer, ours is better and granting them this measure of respect will cinch the deal."

"It's humiliating."

"It'll show them that we're serious about respecting their cultural differences."

Lex sighed, set both of his feet heavily on the floor and straightened in his chair. "I say we nuke them. Hope, bring me the code."

The Vice President surreptitiously punched three numbers into his watch. "When was the last time he slept?" he asked Lex's bodyguards, who were standing at the back of the room.

"About thirty-seven hours ago," Mercy said, looking concern.

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here. Hope, come here."

There was a brief knock on the door and everyone sighed in relief as the First Husband peeked his head into the Oval Office. "Lex, do you have a moment?"

"No, Clark. I don't. I'm going to nuke Pago Pago."

Clark cleared his throat, straightened and came into the office, deliberately closing the door behind him. "I...uh...thought we were trying to put a base in Pago Pago."

"We were."

"And now we're going to nuke them?"

"Yes."

Clark looked at Mercy, who mouthed the words, "Thirty-seven hours."

"I see," Clark said reasonably as he walked across the room. "But doesn't that sort of defeat the purpose of trying to establish a base on the island."

"Yes, but this way no one gets it."

"What about the ecological ramification such an action would have? You know you ran a really strong campaign the first time through, despite your coming from a factory background. Don't you think nuking a tropical island will lose you the environmental vote next election?"

Lex considered this. "I suppose so. Damn liberals. How about we just invade?"

"Is this about the sarong?"

"I won't wear it, Clark."

Clark looked at Pete. "Can we have a moment?"

The Vice President nodded, then moved to the opposite side of the room to talk to Hope and Mercy.

Lex raised his hand, trying to ward Clark off as his husband moved around the desk. "You're not going to talk me into this."

"Even if I say you'd look hot."

Lex snorted derisively. "If it's so damn hot, you wear it. I'll appoint you special envoy and you can go negotiate in my stead."

"How about if I promise to wear one, too, and stand by your side the entire time? You know, to fight off the natives."

"You're a funny boy," Lex growled, but the underlying affection wasn't hard to hear.

"You're running on fumes," Clark said softly, sitting on the desk in front of Lex and tenderly running his hand over the back of the President's head. "I think you need to come to bed."

"I can't. Korea--"

"Korea can wait for eight hours."

Lex slumped back into his chair. "I am a bit tired."

"I can tell. You only yank Pete's chain when you're exhausted."

Lex grinned wickedly and shot a quick look at his vice president. "He falls for it every time."

"You really shouldn't joke about nuking strategic islands."

"But I can still joke about nuking non-strategic ones, right?"

Clark rolled his eyes as he stood and pulled Lex to his feet. "Yes, dear."

"Now you're just patronizing me."

"Yes, I am, dear."

"I'm telling your mom."

"Go ahead and tattle," Clark said as he took his husband's hand and walked toward the door leading to the residence portion of the White House. "You know she's going to make you wear the sarong."

"Give me one good reason why I should wear the damn thing."

Clark leaned forward and whispered in his ear.

Lex jolted back a step and searched his husband's face, not able to hide the leer growing in his eyes. "Yeah?"

Clark nodded.

"All right, alert the media. It looks like I'm going to Pago Pago."

"This is Katie C--, reporting live from Pago Pago, where just minutes ago President Lex Luthor and Chieftain Kahanamoku signed a history-making treaty which will allow the United States to build a base on Pago Pago, thus giving America a strong foothold in Indonesia. Chieftain Kahanamoku stated that President Luthor's presence in these negotiations was what put America over the top for the treaty, even though several other countries such as England, Russia, China and France were seeking similar accords. Chieftain Kahanamoku also stated that the President's easy acceptance in wearing the traditional garb to the State dinner put meaning behind his words of respecting the island's traditions and heritage."

"And we're in commercial," the cameraman said as the red light turned off.

"Katie, how did the President look in the traditional outfit?" Diane asked from the New York office.

"Hot."

"You mean overheated?"

"No, Diane, I mean hot." The reporter smiled impishly into the camera. "The man wore his sarong illegally low. Lois was right. He is definitely hiding a bod to die for under those conservative suits. I think we need to make sarongs the official dress on Capital Hill."

"Uh, two words for you, Katie. Ted Kennedy."

Katie shuddered, then laughed. "Point. But, girlfriend, do I have a surprise for you."

"Oh? What?"

"Let's just say, exclusive footage, the First Husband and a traditional fire dance."

"I'll make the margaritas."

"Call Connie and Lois. We're partying as soon as I get back to New York."

~END~