Title: I Touch Myself

Author: Abi

Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: It's probably a good thing they don't belong to me.

Notes: Thank you so much, Akinaj, for betaing for me!

"Remind me why you are having a birthday party for the guy who tried to kill you again, Lex."

"He's my little brother, Clark, and he's turning 21," Lex answered matter-of-factly, as if it explained everything, before adding, "and he hasn't tried to kill me in years."

"I fail to see how the fact that it's been a while since he last shot you is a good argument for inviting him and his 200 closest friends to come to your house and sing karaoke and drink punch."

"Punch?" Lex looked at him like he'd lost his mind. "He's turning 21. We're having alcohol. Champagne, not that keg crap you have at all your parties. And a bar."

"Oh, well then, 200 of his little thug friends running around your house all liquored up makes all the difference. I don't know what I was thinking. This is the best idea you've had in years." The last time you had an idea this good I wound up in a tux standing next to you while you married yet another bitch, he didn't add.

"Don't act like such a stick in the mud. You aren't exactly the poster boy for clean living since you moved into the frat, either."

"I never tried to kill you and you didn't throw me a party with 200 of my closest friends for my birthday."

"Your fraternity threw you a three day long beer-fest. The entire campus came," Lex reminded him. "You hardly needed my help. Lucas doesn't have anyone else."

"You and your wife were only at my party for an hour before you moved on to more pressing matters."

"Frat parties aren't exactly Lena's style, Clark."

"Whatever. I'm sure she's pleased as punch that you're hosting this little shindig for a guy she's met all of twice."

"I haven't actually told her about it, yet."

"She knows where you live, Lex. She lives there, too. In fact, she sleeps right next to you, admittedly in a bed the size of Kuwait, but still. She will kill you in your sleep for this and she'll get suspicious if I start sleeping with you, so I won't be able to protect you."

"It'll be fine. We're having the party at the mansion in Smallville. Lena's going out of town for two weeks to visit a friend in Paris, so she'll never know."

"What's all this we business?"

"Clark, it is your duty as my best friend to help me throw this party. I haven't even been to a party that didn't require a tie besides your birthday in years. You are the president of a fraternity. You have to help me."

"No way, Lex. You can pull the best friend card on me only so many times, and the three appearances as your best man used them up for, oh, I don't know, time and eternity."

"Come on, don't make me beg."

"Beg if you feel you must, but I will not be swayed."

"Please, Clark, I'm begging you."

"You call that begging?"

"Please, Clark," Lex begged in a distractingly husky voice as he fell to his knees in front of Clark. "Please, I need you."

Inhaling a shaky breath, Clark closed his eyes and banged his head back into the wall behind him. This is so not happening. Teasing him like this was so not fair; like Clark even had a choice about saying no with Lex kneeling a foot away from his groin and talking in that voice. Just to make it stop, he whined, "But I hate that guy."

"Thank you so much." Lex was already walking out the door when Clark open his eyes. "I'll have the party planner call you. Anyway, I've got a meeting I can't miss so I'll see you there."

Two minutes after Lex left him standing there with his balls twisted in a knot, Clark's phone rang with the distinctive tones that told him it was to be torture. Flipping open the tiny cell, Clark pressed it to his ear and didn't bother with a greeting.

"We'll also need girls. And, Clark? No karaoke."

A live band didn't technically count as karaoke, even if they had a machine that showed the lyrics, a fascinatingly large repertoire of cover songs, and no singer to speak of. Nope. Not karaoke. Hopefully shoving Lex on stage first would teach him a lesson about cajoling Clark into these things in the future. Besides, watching Lex strut his stuff on stage would be reward enough for the inevitable backlash.

The night of the party Clark paid just a little more attention to how he looked than he normally did, which is to say he put on the cleanest jeans from the floor of his room at the frat and a worn red shirt that had shrunk in the wash a million years ago causing it to curl up to reveal a sliver of his stomach when he moved after an extra long shower and a glob of gel fingered through his disheveled hair. The reflection in the mirror looked acceptable to him when he stopped to look and practice his come hither look for later that night.

Just because he was never going to have who he really wanted didn't mean that he was coming home alone, or more likely, going upstairs to his usual guest room at the mansion. The lovely ladies of Kappa Alpha Theta would be in attendance and he was going tomcatting tonight. Sorority girls from Met U spread their legs like butter on toast, but he had had most of the decent ones already. Perhaps one of Lucas's cronies would be decent looking and shut up long enough for him to avoid thinking about who they were.

Loud music spilled from the normally quiet Luthor ancestral home like a never-ending glass of milk, and Clark could hear it from miles away pouring across the endless rows of corn. A sweet smile of anticipation bloomed on his lips as he imagined the cool irritation sure to be twisting Lex's upper lip into a scowl, adding definition to that perfect scar. Not to mention the fun of ruining Lucas's evening with something as gauche as karaoke. Little bastard paid attention to things like that these days and Clark was only too happy to send the guy into an apoplectic fit in front of all his friends.

As always, he arrived about an hour past fashionably late. The beat up old Chevy would only go so fast, and it would look really weird for him to show up three hours outside of Metropolis without a car. Nothing pleased him quite as much as valet parking the thing. The attendants always looked at him like he was insane when he explained the complex combination of full and half turns of the key in the ignition required to start the hunk of junk. The gorgeous guys in purple jackets Lex had hired for tonight gave him the look when he pulled up, and he smiled to himself all the more for their snobbery. Of course he couldn't really blame them with all the really amazing cars that were lining the road up to the mansion tonight.

Elaborate chandeliers hung from the ceiling like ropes of tinkling glass and twinkling lights, reminding Clark fondly of his Fortress of Solitude back at the farm. Maybe he would stop by for a quick visit in the morning before he headed home. A memory of Lex tying his bowtie for him the night of the Spring Formal his freshman year jumped unbidden into Clark's mind, and his smile deepened. Nostalgia made him want to go sit in the library down the hall where he and Lex had spent so much time together, but the thump of the music called him to the party instead.

By the time he finally found Lex it was nearly midnight already. Not too late, then. The crowd that Lucas ran in probably never went to sleep before dawn anyway. The party hadn't really been expected to start before ten, so he was surprised to find Lex already completely sloshed, swaying wildly to the hideous pop beat and grinning like a loon when he saw Clark.

"Clark!" Lex shouted giddily at him. "Look, everybody it's my best friend, Clark!"

"Hey, Lex, oomph," was all Clark managed to get out before he had an armful of Lex.

"I love you," Lex effused, still hugging Clark tightly, so tightly in fact that it might have been slightly crushing if he were a normal guy.

"I love you, too, Lex," Clark said in an attempt to appease his queerly clingy friend. "I'm going to need to breathe soon, though."

Giggling, giggling, erupted from Lex's mouth just a hair's breadth away from Clark's ear, hot, wet air tickling his impervious skin and causing a tremor to shudder through his body. Oblivious to the affect he was having on Clark, Lex leaned in closer and said, "You're so funny, Clark. I love you."

"You mentioned that," Clark responded before his body could, peeling Lex's warm body away from his and holding him at arm's length. "Been celebrating all day, Lex?"

"Whadda you mean?" Lex asked, warm alcohol tang carried along with his breath.

"Well, let's see, it's barely midnight and you're drunk," he pointed out with a hint of irritation, still holding nearly all of Lex's weight up.

"Inebriated, Clark," Lex corrected.

"Trashed is more like it. Happy to see Lucas, I take it."

"Mmmm, Lucas. I love Lucas," Lex nodded happily. "He's my little brother, you know."

"Really, you don't say."

"Yep, I always wanted a brother and Dad got me one."

"How thoughtful of him. Where is the birthday boy anyway?"

"I haven't seen him since before," Lex frowned. "We only had one drink and then he went to go play with his friends. But you're my friend! Do you want to play with me?"

"Sure, Lex. Let's play. How about we play karaoke?" If he had to baby-sit Lex all night he was sure as Hell going to get blackmail material out of it. "You go first."

"Okay!" Lex offered quickly, before wandering up to the stage and yelling something at the guitar player.

This is going to be so good, Clark thought to himself, rubbing his hands together just a tad maniacally. I wonder what he's going to sing. Probably some horrible '80's pop song. Like one of those Tiffany songs Lex was always listening to when he thought no one was around. A familiar tune started up, but he couldn't quite place it at first.

"This song is for my best friend, Clark," Lex announced to everyone at the party. A sudden feeling of cold dread settled in the pit of his stomach when Clark realized what the song was.

I love myself
I want you to love me
When I'm feelin' down
I want you above me
I search myself
I want you to find me
I forget myself
I want you to remind me

Oh my fucking god, this was not happening. No, no, no, no, no! Lex was not up on stage, sashaying around in a drunken stupor singing this, to him, in front of all these people. Heat rushed to his cheeks, and he knew that he must have been blushing furiously like he hadn't in years. Begging whatever gods looked down on Kryptonian farm boys for a miracle, like Lex tripping and breaking his neck before he got to the chorus had no affect what so ever.

I don't want anybody else
When I think about you
I touch myself
I don't want anybody else
Oh no, oh no, oh no

Groping! Lex was groping himself and staring right at Clark. Alcohol. He needed alcohol immediately. Visions of Lex touching himself and thinking about him swam in front of his eyes as he quickly walked to the bar and downed three shots, and then took the bottle from the buxom bartender in a dress that left little to the imagination.

You're the one who makes me happy honey You're the sun who makes me shine
When you're around I'm always laughing I want to make you mine

The rest of the bottle didn't take long to finish, but it really was not enough to handle this kind of situation. Teasing in private was one thing, but actively making fun of him in front of an audience was completely different. God, what if it isn't teasing?

I close my eyes
And see you before me
Think I would die
If you were to ignore me
A fool could see
Just how much I adore you
I get down on my knees
I'd do anything for you

On stage, Lex was kneeling with the mic stand strategically placed between his thighs, hands jerking up and down the smooth metallic length lewdly as he sang. Fuck, Clark was getting hard. This was very, very bad.

I don't want anybody else
When I think about you
I touch myself
I don't want anybody else
Oh no, oh no, oh no

Now standing, long, black cylinder of metal still poking out suggestively from between his legs like a giant erection, Lex was doing something with his mouth that looked entirely too much like fellating the damn microphone while the band played. Every guilty fantasy Clark had ever had about Lex doing just that to parts of his anatomy hardened his dick painfully in his pants. The glistening tip of Lex's tongue darted out across the scar on his lip before bursting back into the horrible Divinyls' song.

I love myself
I want you to love me
When I'm feelin' down
I want you above me
I search myself
I want you to find me
I forget myself
I want you to remind me

Eye contact with Lex ranked somewhere below swallowing Kryptonite on his list of things to do right about then, but Clark couldn't look away. Hips born to slink across a room, drawing every eye to their sensual glide pumped rhythmically in the air as Lex fucked the mic stand in front of God and everyone. And Clark certainly wasn't the only person leering at Lex. Half the crowd was singing along, hooting and calling obscenities at the person walking around in Lex's body, who was clearly not Lex. Not his Lex anyway. His Lex would never do something like this.

And then during the chorus, Clark had an epiphany. That wasn't his Lex, couldn't be. It was Lucas's Lex. Or, more to the point, this wasn't Lex drunk, it was something else entirely. In the years that he had known Lex, Clark had seen him drunk plenty of times and never in a million years would Lex do this even completely plastered. And Lex got bitchy after a certain amount of liquor, not affectionate.

I want you
I don't want anybody else
And when I think about you
I touch myself
Ooh, oooh, oooooh, aaaaaah

Every ooh and aah went straight to his cock, not helping him at all as he searched the throng of bodies for a familiar one. Distraction was inevitable, but he had to find that little bastard before Lex got it in his head to sing something else completely embarrassing, because it would only embarrass Clark and Lex would probably never even remember it. One more chorus left and he spotted Lucas.

"What the fuck did you give him you cocksucking little prick?!" Clark demanded as he shook Lucas by the lapels of his jacket.

"Easy there big boy," Lucas smirked. "Calm down, I didn't give him anything that'll hurt him."

"Define hurt, Lucas," he shook the spiky haired bastard. "Tell me what and how much before I hurt you."

"Relax, I just gave him a few ruffies," Lucas waved him off. "He'll be happy all night."

"And do what ever the fuck you tell him to! What are you trying to get from him? He already released your trust fund. What more do you want?"

"I don't want anything from him," Clark eyed Lucas skeptically when he heard that. "The point is he'll do whatever the fuck you tell him to do, and he won't remember a thing in the morning."

"Why in the Hell would you do that, you little psycho?"

"Consider it a belated birthday gift, Clark. Or do Kents still not accept gifts from Luthors?"

"You drugged your brother up to give him to me as a gift?" Clark sputtered incredulously. "You are a total sociopath."

"Lex probably gave you some stupid sentimental fob for your birthday, but I know what you really want, the man who has everything. The question is, are you still too much of a boy scout to take what you want when it's handed to you on a silver platter. Better think fast, too. Here he comes."

"I can't believe I ever thought you'd changed. I told him you were still dangerous, but he never listens to me."

"Hurts, doesn't it? Knowing I'd give you what you want, listen to what you need, but big brother has to be drugged out of his mind."

"Why are you doing this to me?" Clark let go of Lucas and took a step back.

"You don't call, you don't write..."

"It was a mistake."

"That's why," Lucas snarled before pulling himself together and smoothing his jacket. "Now if you don't mind I have guests to entertain, and you have a present to unwrap."

"Clark," Lex crooned into his ear, wrapping his body around Clark's back and distracting him long enough for Lucas to get away. "Did you like my song? I picked it special for you."

"It was very nice," he managed to get out as Lex slithered around to Clark's front, clinging to his chest, body entirely too close for comfort.

"It's true, Clark," Lex told him as he brushed his cock against Clark's through the layers of fabric. "I think about you when I touch myself all the time."

A desperate groan escaped his lips as he tried to remind his body that this wasn't Lex, it was the drugs. Every ounce of blood in his body had headed south the second Lex had touched his back, making it very hard to concentrate on why this was a bad idea.

"I can't help myself," Lex whispered against his lips, hand snaking up underneath the soft, red cotton of his shirt and branding the skin of Clark's belly.

"Stop it, Lex. This isn't you," Clark said as he pushed Lex off him. A little pile of loose-limbed Lex lay in puddle on the floor in front of him and guilt immediately washed through Clark. "God, I'm so sorry. Here, let me take you somewhere so you don't get hurt."

"You pushed me," Lex said, stunned.

"I know, I'm sorry. Come here," he said as he pulled Lex up from the floor, glanced around for the nearest exit and decided on a course of action.

"Take me to bed." That would be bad. No going near a bed with Lex like this; a man could only handle so much temptation.

"How about I take you to the library? Remember the library, you like the library. We used to play pool there," Clark coaxed.

"I love the library," Lex asserted as they walked through the doors into the dark room. "Almost as much as I love you."

A flick of the switch and soft light bathed the remnants of their past, covered in raw cotton dustcovers and layers of sediment from the air. Clark quickly uncovered one of the black, leather couches by the fireplace, sat Lex down and ignited the log in the hearth. It seemed wrong somehow for all of these things to be covered up, hidden away, so he sped through the room taking the tarps away and revealing the room the way he remembered it.

The deep plum felt covering the face of the pool table that had been one of the main centers of his fantasy life as a teen felt soft and rough all at once under his fingers as he stroked it fondly. Suddenly he felt heat behind him and a hand covered his on the table, meshing their fingers and sending a shiver up his arm and down his spine. The hard tip of Lex's cock rubbed against Clark's ass as Lex draped himself over Clark yet again.

"I wanted to bend you over this table and fuck you senseless every time we played," came the voice, like liquid sex poured all over him and echoing the fantasies of his adolescence.

All Clark could do in response was whimper, Lex continuing to rub himself into Clark's ass, the top of his thighs. When the hand that wasn't holding his on the table reached around his waist and cupped his groin, Clark couldn't stop himself from shifting his hips into the touch and groaning. Friction from the front, from the back, moving in tandem and Clark wanted it, wanted all of it and more of it and none of it all at once. This wasn't really Lex. Lex didn't really want him, and he didn't want Lex, not like this.

Nothing but air stood between Lex and the pool table a second later, and Clark leaned hard against a wall on the other side of the room, panting and trying to catch his breath. Looking at Lex, confused and horny and looking for Clark was too much right in that moment, so he let his eyelid flutter down, shutting out the view of Lex's perfect hips, the swell of his ass in pants that clung tight in all the right places.

Several moments passed, and Clark's breathing went back to normal before he realized that closing his eyes so long had been a mistake. Lips pressed against his, tongue teasing them open and he kissed back, had to because kissing wasn't taking advantage, and it would never happen again. Fingers in his hair and lithe body pressed against his, undulating with the rhythm of Clark's pulse that he could feel everywhere, and Clark could have this if things didn't go any further.

But Lex was bucking his hips into Clark's now, jolting him with craving and lust with every thrust. Hot, he was too hot, and he drank down Lex's kisses like he'd found water in the desert. Want and lust and need for this to happen throbbed in his chest and his belly and his cock and Lex wouldn't remember if he just took it, the gift Lucas had offered him.

"Please," Clark moaned into the hot mouth on his. "Oh, god, please, Lex, please stop."

"You want me," Lex gasped and slid his hand down the waistband of Clark's jeans. "I can feel it. I know you want me, Clark. Let me have you this one time, please, I need you."

That was all it took to goad Clark to kiss Lex savagely, steal the breath from his lungs and disappear.

Back at the frat minutes later, Clark could only lay there on his bed, naked, hard and thinking of Lex, his hands on him, cock rubbing his. Like so many other nights after he'd been with Lex, he touched himself. Fucking cocktease always left him like this, but tonight it had been his decision to stop, him running out of the room leaving Lex hard and gagging for it. Felt so good to be the one walking out this time. Fuck, but it felt the same, too, still alone, still frustrated, cock still aching. Still bringing himself off with the sound of his voice ringing in his ears.

Anger and resentment filled the cavity in his chest where the lust had been when he came messily over his hand. Both Lex and Lucas had used him, teased him and in general abused his desire to be a good guy tonight. But he wasn't a hero; he might not be only human, but he wasn't entirely unbreakable, either. Those fucking Luthors weren't going to play him again.

The heat of his anger morphed rapidly back to lust when he walked back into the library. The fire was still burning, casting flickering shadows over the naked skin of Lex, splayed out on the pool table, jacking himself off and moaning Clark's name. The heartbeat it took to replace the hand jerking Lex's cock with his mouth was long enough for Clark to catch only part of the cum pouring out onto his tongue, the sight of Clark in the doorway enough to send Lex over the edge.

Need overwhelmed him as he laved the juices from Lex's softening dick, Lex shuddering underneath his ministrations, and whispering, "Clark," like a prayer. Nothing was like this, not ever, and Clark licked a path all the way up to the mouth still murmuring his name. It didn't matter, none of it, not the teasing, not the drugs, not the fact that Lex wouldn't remember, because he would. He would remember the bittersweet taste of Lex in his mouth, the feel of their skin pressed together, the sounds Lex made, all of it.

"Fuck it. I love you," he needed to say it, allowed to say now, knowing Lex wouldn't remember. "I love you, I love you so much. Want you so bad. Wanted this so long. Need you."

"Oh god, Clark," Lex moaned and then attacked Clark, ripping away his clothes, devouring his mouth, biting and clawing at his skin.

Sloppy, wet kisses were all Clark was capable of under the assault. Blood throbbed through his veins, pulse roaring in his ears louder than a waterfall, arousal so strong he felt dizzy. The teeth and nails that could never hope to mark his skin burned a brand into his chest nevertheless, until Lex focused on something lower. Clark cried out when Lex rolled him onto his back and began sucking his cock.

Every slide of his dick in that mouth made him want to scream, but he kept it to undignified moaning for the most part, punctuated by yelps of pleasure at erratic intervals. Finally, when he could take it no longer, the orgasm practically ripped from his body, he yelled, "Lex!" and collapsed on the table while Lex swallowed him down.

"Come to bed with me, Clark," Lex commanded and he obeyed.

A strange mixture of contentment and shame washed through Clark as he tucked Lex into the enormous four-poster bed in the mansion's master suite. Bruises and bite marks left a red and purple pattern on the porcelain skin visible above the impossibly soft sheets and the gray velvet duvet in the early morning light filtering through the windows. A single kiss on the pale crown of Lex's head and a longing glance from the door were all Clark allowed himself before walking out into the corridor.

And right into Lucas, who was leaning against the wall across from the door, clearly expecting him. "I see Kents are capable from taking gifts from Luthors after all."

"Leave me alone, Lucas," Clark asked, almost begging.

"And why would I want to do that, now that I know you aren't the Boy Scout you thought you were all this time? Just a desperate, will-powerless coward like the rest of us."

"I'm humiliated already, okay," Clark shook with it and ran a hand through his tangled hair. "Not to mention that I'm never going to be able to look Lex in the face again. Fuck, he's going to hate me. I basically raped him. You got what you wanted, alright?"

"Who says I wanted to humiliate you? Maybe I wanted something else entirely, although I have to admit it does make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside." Lucas looked him in the eye, then turned, waved his hand and said, "Trish, hurry up."

A beautiful brunette rounded the corner, winked at Clark and slipped through the door into the bedroom. Confusion muddled Clark's brain and he stammered, "What...who was...why?"

"He met Trish at the party before you showed up; he'll remember her. You leave marks, Clark. I had bruises for weeks. He'll know he had sex, even if he can't remember, and you know how he hates a mystery. I'm providing him with an answer that doesn't involve you."

"But why would you do that for me?"

"So you'll owe me, of course," Lucas answered flippantly as he leaned into Clark.

"And here I thought you said it was a birthday present." Now wasn't the time for sarcasm, but he couldn't stop himself.

Lucas slithered a hand up under Clark's shirt, flicked a hard nipple and said, "You know me better than that."

"Yes, I do," Clark nodded, sucking in a hitched breath.

"You're going to know me a lot better, soon," Lucas promised and ground himself into Clark's groin.

"I see."

"I'm not that bad once you really get to know me, Clark," Lucas yanked Clark's head down for a kiss with a fist in his hair. He licked his lips before looking up at Clark and adding, "Who knows, maybe some day you'll even get to like me."

"Not likely."

"I'll see you on Wednesday night at my loft," Lucas dismissed him, disentangling their bodies and taking a few paces down the hall. Before he hit the corner the girl had popped out of he turned back. "You know the way."

"You'll never be him, you know."

"It doesn't matter; I'll still have you," Lucas smirked, "and he'll never remember that he did."

Flame ringed Clark's irises when Lucas turned his back and rounded the corner. "Tell him and I'll kill you."

Notes: Challenge response for Lacey McBain in the Clark/Lex ficathon. Required elements were Lucas, birthday party, and Lex singing karaoke.